Anything I'm not
by Phoenix on cloud nine
Summary: There are some things you don’t want people to know. And to Vince, depression and unrequited love were a few of them. Just a oneshot


**I know I promised myself not to write anymore angst, mostly 'cause I suck at it, but this song came up suddenly on my media player, so I thought, 'Why the heck not?'  
Just a oneshot ;)**

Vince curled into a smaller ball at the foot of his bed in front of the door. Tears poured down his face as it was all he could do not to sob openly. True, he didn't think there was anyone else in the flat, but it seemed like he was just a burden in there, a glittery tit that did no good to anyone and never said a kind word about anything. Why should he bother worrying his flatmates with his problems.

His heart sunk as he felt shallower than ever. Problems. Yeah right. He spat out a harsh laugh which must have sounded bizarre to anyone listening, but he couldn't care less anymore. It was just getting so hard. Why did everyone put all this pressure on him? Why did he have to always be happy, _always_ be cheery. He just couldn't do it anymore. For weeks it had been getting harder to appear with a smile on his face, especially after that frigging party. Why did he have to pretend to shrug the whole 'dumping' off? Why did he suddenly turn into some heartless bitch, who couldn't give a stuff whether or not his best mate gets hurt?

That was the problem, Vince suddenly realised, still sobbing. Within a second, from the time his lips had touched Howard's, he had been head-over-heels in love. That was the problem. Howard wouldn't love him back. Even if Howard _was _gay, he'd probably go out with some weird, jazzy freak with no dress sense. Though Vince hadn't seen that many of them to be honest, maybe they were a dying breed…maybe like unicorns…

A sharp bang brought Vince back to the real world. His head flew up to hear someone shouting,

"Vince?" Not responding, he looked dully at his bedroom door, sniffing, but in no way trying to stop crying, waiting for the small, predictable knock that Howard always issued his door with, before the small enquiry about his wellbeing. He almost laughed when he heard it, but he had no room left in his lungs, and it had gotten so severe that he was clinging to his bed, attempting to raise himself upright, but he collapsed again, and heard his friend tapping a bit harder,

"Vince? Are you ok?"

_I'm fine Howard, I'm fine. Sure, my straight mate will hate me if I ever tell him I love him, and I could face being chucked out the flat, then I'd probably have to take up prostitution to stay in some squat somewhere, since I can't so anything else, 'cause I'm so useless, oh yeah, and I think I'm suffering from depression._

Vine thought desperately, way too scared to say any of it out loud, so he was kind of hoping he and Howard shared a telepathic link, but it was obvious he didn't, as two minutes later, he heard a small sigh and footsteps walking away, towards the kitchen. Vince once again tried to heave himself up, and finally managed to succeed, although he was shaking severely from the added strain on his body. He couldn't stop the tears streaming down his face, or the shuddering gasps that lingered outside of his body, and prayed, not for the first time in the last couple of weeks, that he could just go to sleep and not wake up. What was the point? No one could guess that he was severely depressed, and he was too cowardly to tell anyone. What good was he doing?

He managed to pull himself together enough to switch his radio on as he went about spraying his hair with various sprays, and, bunching up a tissue, started to dab at his face, like he had done so much of of late. He grinned almost manically into the mirror as the lyrics on the radio washed over him, numbing his soul and almost laughing out loud at the irony,

**I will never be, I will never be tall, no  
And I will never be, never ever be sure of it all  
Oh, why is the world so cruel to me  
When all, all I ever want to be is anything I'm not**

**Gimme a break, a little escape  
I am so tired of being me  
I wanna be free, I wanna be new and different  
Anything I'm not  
I'm not**

He shook himself and stood up, now looking cold and tired and went to the door. Why should he tell anyone what was wrong? There are some things you don't want people to know. And to Vince, depression and unrequited love were some of them.

**I will never be, I will never be you, no  
I will always be, I will always be me, that I know  
But oh, even though I'm happy being me  
I want to get away from all this harsh reality, oh**

**Gimme a break, a little escape  
I am so tired of being me  
I wanna be free, I wanna be new and different  
Anything I'm not**

**A/N Tadaa…. God that sucked. Ok, now I'm definitely promising not to write anymore angst. Promise ;) Well, if you review I do? Your review might go towards me shutting up ^_^**


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